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Authentic and Original New Orleans

I am part of the first of many confused generations to have lived only to witness a pop culture dominated by reproductions (of reproductions) of music, fashion, film, etc.  And every so often, the repercussions surface.  Such as when my co-workers discovered (in utter horror) that I had neither heard of The Police nor their hit song “Every Breath You Take” (1983), despite my prolonged obsession with Puff Daddy’s tribute to Notorious B.I.G., “I’ll be missing you” (1997).  While the general omnipresence of recycled material has taught me to treasure anything truly original and good (with the exception of Forever 21), embarrassing situations like these have conditioned me to use words like “authentic” and “classic” with excessive caution.

But really, what is “authentic”?  A reproductions is, in fact, an authentic product (and fascinating documentation) of pop culture’s evolution.  And what makes something “classic” more deserving of respect?  Many of today’s most revered “classic” artists were completely ostracized in their day because of their originality.

Treme also challenges the meaning and significance of these words used to describe New Orleans.  In the second episode of Treme, street musicians Sonny (piano) and Annie (fiddle) are asked to play “something authentic” (after having performed Careless Love) by a group of church volunteers in town to help rebuild homes.  Sonny scornfully offers to play the clichéd spiritual “When the Saints Go Marching In” for an additional fee, which is earnestly accepted (to his chagrin).  This provides us with a well-needed reminder that New Orleans is a constantly evolving city that continues to produce some of nation’s best original work.  So in honor of this message, I set out to find and explore a current authentic and original (obviously) New Orleanian album and dish.

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Ya-Ka-May

But I didn’t have to look very far.  Galactic, a seriously funkdafied jazz quintet known for fusing the modern and retrospective musical styles of New Orleans, was featured in the latter scenes of the same episode.  Galactic produces an avant-garde sound by incorporating progressive electronic techniques, and a wide range of musical genres, from hip-hop, rock, blues, to electronica.  And thanks to my musically au courant boyfriend (who first introduced me to Galactic), I had a copy of their recently launched album, “Ya-Ka-May”, which so happened to be the perfect subject for my investigation.

Ya-Ka-May might just be the most entertaining original musical treat of the century (for the ears AND ass).  You will never hear anything quite like it, and you will never otherwise see your booty bounce in such an uncontrollably delightful and inexplicably soulful manner.  If you are sneakily procrastinating in an office with the type of cubicles that reach just above the shoulders, I suggest that you wait to get home before watching the two videos below.  But if you are in an environment to safely act upon a bootyful call, by all means, listen/watch it all!  **My favorite songs on the album are “Boe Money”, “Katey vs. Nobby”, “Double It”, and “You Don’t Know”, which are all not available online (for free).  But check out the samples here.

There is a definitive explanation for the corollary booty bounce: “bounce”!  Confused?  Bounce music is a style of hip-hop native to New Orleans, characterized by “call and response” (over lyricism) and hypersexual chants and call-outs (the Mardi Gras Indian kind, not the NYC construction worker kind).  Bounce influenced much of the nationally recognized southern rap of the ‘90s, such as the works of Juvenile, Three 6 Mafia, and Lil Jon.  Anyways, Ya-Ka-May creatively incorporates the sounds of new bounce artists (Cheeky Blakk, Big Freedia, Katey Red, Sissy Nobby) with the “seemingly disparate” but “intrinsically connected” sounds of the new and established New Orleanian jazz, funk, and brass artists (Trombone Shorty, Corey Henry, Irma Thomas, Big Chief Bo Dollis, Allen Toussaint).  Hence the booty bounce!

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Ya-Ka-May, the Soup

As it turns out, “Ya-Ka-May” is the name of a very peculiar and popular New Orleanian street food!  Ya-Ka-May is a multi-ethnic noodle soup that much like Galactic’s Ya-Ka-May album, is composed of “seemingly disparate” ingredients – spaghetti pasta, beef broth, tender stewed beef, green onion, boiled egg, Cajun seasoning, soy sauce, and hot sauce.  Ya-Ka-May is typically sold in Asian-American run bodegas in predominantly African-American neighborhoods across New Orleans, served in Styrofoam cups, and consumed with forks.  It is also perceived as a miracle hangover cure, hence the nickname, “Old Sober”.

*smoking Chronic + dRUNK = CRUNK

The origins of Ya-Ka-May are heavily disputed.  But I am inclined to agree with Leah Chase, a prominent New Orleans Chef (aka Queen of Creole Cuisine) whose restaurant, Dooky Chase, served as a gathering/meeting place during the Civil Rights movement.  According to Mrs. Chase and a number of other local sources, the concept of Ya-Ka-May originated in New Orleans’ now extinct Chinatown, which was established by the Chinese immigrants who were brought from California in the mid 19^th century to build the railroads in Southern Louisiana.  The Chinatown was further developed by the Chinese immigrants who came to work the sugar plantations after the fall of slavery.  Check out what Leah Chase has to say here:

Legend has it that this geographical hub was adjoined to a once thriving African-American neighborhood.  And it was during this time that the basic Asian concept of noodles and soup evolved (according to local tastes) to what is now known as Ya-Ka-May.  The New Orleans Chinatown and surrounding districts ultimately languished, but the dish was “kept alive by the poor, the hung-over, and the corner markets run by Asians serving Blacks,” according to the Po Boy Views of New Orleans.

Ya-Ka-May is very easy and inexpensive to make.  And as you will see, it also has a ton of soul.  The best part?  It is incredibly flavorful, yet gentle on the stomach (grant it you don’t overdo it with the hot sauce), and therefore, the perfect New Orleans “Old Sober”!

So there you have it!  An authentic and original New Orleans album and dish!

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Let’s Get Rid of Our Hurtin’!

HHC’s Ya-Ka-May Soup – New Orleans “Old Sober”

Ingredients (serves 4)

2 lbs of stewing beef roast chunks
2 quarts of water
1 beef bouillon cube
1 tsp of SlapYa Mama, or your favorite Cajun seasoning
1/2 tsp of onion powder
Salt and pepper, to taste
½ lb of spaghetti noodles
2 hard boiled eggs (1/2 egg per bowl of soup)
¼ cup of green onions, sliced
1 tbsp of toasted sesame seeds (my twist!)
Soy sauce and Hot sauce to taste

1. Place the stewing beef in a Crockpot (note – I halved the recipe).  Add the water, beef bouillon cube, Cajun seasoning, onion powder, salt, and pepper.  Cook on low for 6-8 hours.  **If you don’t have a Crockpot, place all of the above ingredients in a stockpot and bring to a boil; reduce the heat and simmer for 2 hours, or until the meat is tender.

After 6 hours:

2. Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti noodles according to package instructions, and boil the eggs.

3.  To assemble the soup, place a serving of spaghetti noodles in the bottom of a bowl. Ladle about 1-2 cups of the beef and broth over the noodles so that they are almost completely submerged.

4. Add a boiled egg half.  Sprinkle with sliced green onion and toasted sesame seeds.  Add a few dashes of soy sauce, hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce (optional).  Yes, that is Katrina Storm Sauce you see there.  I picked it up along with the Slap Ya Mama during my last visit to Natchitoches.

And voilà!  A steaming hot and spicy bowl of Ya-Ka Mein.  Ok.. let’s try…

**slurp slurp slurp**  **Mmmmmmmm** **slurp slurp slurp** **Mmmmmmmm**

OMG, I want more.  But I’m so full.  I can’t really justify eating another bowl.  Well… unless….

Wanna get it crunk?

Until next time…..

xoxo

HH Contessa

I Treme

I am head over the highest of heels for Treme, HBO’s newest television series that takes place in New Orleans three months after Hurricane Katrina.  By following the lives of a chef, musician, and Indian Chief (the Mardi Gras kind) among many others, the show incorporates a delightful agglomeration of three of my favorite things: Creole and Cajun cuisine, funky, soulful music, and serious reveling.

Treme has inspired me to explore the uniquely preserved culture of New Orleans, and I believe the best way for me to do so is by making the food.  For one, I’m naturally obsessed with understanding the anthropological context of any food I bake/cook, because I believe it is the only way to capture its essence.  And two, the food of New Orleans is integrally tied to its music and celebration, which collectively, provide a gateway to much of NOLA’s past and present.  So my plan is to make at least one dish referenced on the show each week, whether it be a traditional étouffée, or a local mass produced snack, and to go from there!

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As American as Fried Apple Pie

I have always approached New Orleans fare with particular deference, because I believe it is the tastiest representation of the true Melting Pot.  And let me tell you, when it comes to the American, multicultural synergy, I get uber patriotic and nonsensically emotional, much like how I get when listening to “God Bless the USA”.  But in all seriousness, I take pride, as an American, in anything fundamentally American (except maybe American Apparel).  And New Orleans Cuisine, to me, is just that; it has beautifully preserved the cooking techniques and ingredients of its countless cultures, all the while “making do” with the natural resources of the land and bayou, in the best possible way.

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Reformed by the NYC Public Library

Under normal circumstances, I gather much of my culinary research from books purchased at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square, which are promptly, and tastefully, returned after a quick trip to the copiers at the nearby Staples.  But I didn’t have the heart to take, semi-inappropriately, from Paul Prudhomme, Jamie Shannon, and John Besh.  So I finally paid a well-past-due visit to the New York City Library, which I had postponed since first moving to the city.

Oh, holy crap.  I still cannot believe how much unnecessary trouble (and guilt) I had put myself through with the aforementioned method, and for almost three whole years!  The culinary collection is absolutely fabulous.  And there are tons of gorgeous reading rooms with truly free wifi that come without the purchase of shitty coffee.  In the second episode of Treme, Albert Lambreaux, (the Indian Chief played by Lester Freaman Clarke Peters) says “people do a lot of dumb shit because it’s easier”.  Not too sure what he would say about this.

Anyways, I walked out of the library with “The Commander’s Kitchen”, a compilation of over 150 recipes by the chefs of Commander’s Palace, and “Creole Nouvelle”, a cookbook with contemporary Creole recipes, and last but not least, a fly New York City Public Library card to add to my key ring charmingly full of rewards cards from Duane Reade, D’Agastino, Loehmann’s, and Sephora.

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Lemon Ice, Ice Baby?  Nah.

In the season premiere of Treme, Janette Desautel (played by Kim Dickens), owner and chef of a newly re-opened restaurant, runs out of every dessert except lemon ice, which she offers to Creighton Bernette (played by John Goodman), an English professor at Tulane, and a passionate lover of New Orleans.  Creighton refuses the offer to remain loyal to his regular lemon-ice joint, Angelo Brocato’s Italian Ice Cream Parlor, which remained closed for a full 13 months after the storm.  So Janette runs back to the kitchen, and orders her sous-chef to serve a Hubig’s fried pie pulled from her purse, drizzled with something nice.

I planned to write about lemon ice, because I had always perceived it as the ice-ification of me (since vanilla ice was a mildly funkdafied white dude).  But I had to remain loyal to Natchitoches, Louisiana, home to my parents, and nationally recognized for its delicious fried pies (in savory, meat-filled form).  Furthermore, I felt compelled to take advantage of the opportunity to share the glory of the fried apple pie, which not only highlighted my childhood, but served as an inspiration for the infamous McDonald’s baked apple pie, which originally debuted in fried form in 1968, and permanently (?) transformed to baked form in 1992.

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The Porta-Pie

The concept of the portable pie is a prime example of convergent evolution.  These self-contained treats emerged independently, all over the world, as a convenient and inexpensive way to consume anywhere with little mess.  But of course, colonization also played a role.  The fried pie was introduced to New Orleans under its Spanish rule in the late 18th century in the form of the empanada.  Hence the popularity of “hotta” meat pies in the state of Louisiana.

The sweet fried pie became a go-to snack in New Orleans, and many other cities below the Mason-Dixon (including La Marque, TX where I grew up), as a tasty way to consume less than fresh fruit.  Many fruits, particularly apples, were not available year round in the South until cold storage and imports were developed.  So before the off season, people dried their fruit (which could be reconstituted), or jarred them to make preserves.  And both happened to taste wonderfully in fried pie, which was graced with the capacity to optimally contain moisture and flavor.  This is why many old school recipes call for dried fruit.

But I will be using fresh apples, well, because they are available.  And also because they are 1/10 the cost of dried apples.  However, I will be a purist in every other regard.  I plan to make my own fried pie crust (quite different in composition from traditional pie crust), which is actually beyond the efforts of most Southern home cooks who have adapted store bought biscuit dough as their standard encapsulators.  Finally, I plan to replicate the old school glaze covering Hubrig’s fried pies, and Mrs. Baird’s fried pies (the brand I am personally familiar with), which is actually rarely found on the homemade variety.

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Fried Pie and Booty Shaking

Why did the fried pie, unlike the open-faced pie, become a regional treat?  The south was certainly not the only part of the country that lacked cold storage and produce imports back in the day!

My theory is that New Orleanians (and La Marquinz) like to shake their asses, watch themselves, all the while showing others what they are working with, as often as possible.  And the fried pie brilliantly enables them to do so whilst eating delicious pie.  This simultaneous act is also reproductively advantageous (only for women, unfortunately), because it enlarges the ass, which is considered the universal ideal in these two particular cities, at least when paired with its rhythmic bouncing/shaking.

To my delight, the music of Michael Lawrence Tyler (aka Mystikal) was featured in the pilot of Treme.  Mystikal, native to the 12th Ward of New Orleans, was my favorite rapper in Master P’s original No Limit crew (Silkk the Shocker was a notably close second).  Now, you might have noticed that Mystikal has actually become quite mystical.  That’s because he’s been chillin’ in the Louisiana State Prison, grubbin’ on Hubig’s fried pies, of course!  **the Orleans Parish jail has traditionally been one of the largest buyers of Hubig’s pies**

But those days are no more. **fingers crossed**  Mystikal was released mid January of this year, and I predict that he will make an impressive come back.  So lets prepare ourselves for some new ass/pie shaking by re-visiting with some old ass/pie shaking:

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Let’s get pie fryin’ and booty shakin’!  Or booty fryin’ and pie shakin’.

HHC’s Fried Apple Pie

Ingredients (makes 6 pies)

Filling:

•    5 granny smith apples
•    2/3 cup sugar
•    2 tbsp butter
•    1/2 tsp cinnamon
•    1/8 tsp of nutmeg
•    2 tsp of flour
•    ¼ tsp of salt
•    1 tsp fresh lemon juice
•    ½ tsp of vanilla extract
•    Oil for frying (preferably Canola)

Crust:

•    3 cups of flour
•    ½ cup of shortening
•    ½ tsp salt
•    1 tbsp baking powder
•    3/4 cup of milk
•    1 egg (for glue)

Glaze:

•    2 cups of powdered sugar
•    ¼ cup hot water

Directions

1. Sift the flour, salt, and baking powder (for the crust) in a large bowl.  Cut the shortening into the mixture until it resembles corn meal.

2. Work in the chilled milk.  Divide the dough into 6 equal portions, wrap them in plastic wrap, and chill in the refrigerator while making the filling.

3. Peel, core, and dice the apples.

4. Add the apples, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, nutmeg, flour, salt, and lemon juice to a large skillet.  Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the apples are soft and browned, about 15 minutes. Remove skillet from heat and add the vanilla extract.  Set aside.

5. While the filling cools, place the chilled rounds of dough on a lightly floured surface and roll them out until each one forms a ~ 7 inch circle. Use a bowl and knife to cut smooth, rounded edges.

6. Spoon a few tablespoons of the filling onto one side of a dough circle.  Brush the edges of the dough with egg wash, and then fold the uncovered flap of dough over the filling. Press the edges closed, and use a fork to crimp. Repeat for the remaining rounds of dough.

7. Add the oil to deep skillet to a depth of at least 1 inch and place over high heat until the oil reaches 350º F. Gently place the pies into the oil and cook, turning once, until golden brown, about a minute per side. Remove pies with a slotted spoon and drain on crumpled paper towels.

8. While waiting for the pies to cool, combine the powdered sugar and hot water to make the glaze.  Once the pies have completely cooled, paint them with the glaze using a pastry.  Allow the glaze to set, and flip the pies over to pain their bottom sides.

*nom nom nom* *drop it like it’s hot*  *mmm mmm mmm* *drop it like it’s hot*

Wow, this is pure genius.

The crust is super tender and flaky, and the glaze gives it a sweet, delicately crunchy, protective shell (trust me, I know… the pie hit the floor along with my booty).

Too bad big booties aren’t the universal ideal in Manhattan.  Or I wouldn’t stop eating/dancing.

I need some distraction.  Wanna watch some Treme?

Until next time…..

xoxo

HH Contessa

Journey in the Bronx

On my way to a panel on “Latinas and Politics”, diligently organized by my roommate with The New Latino Movement, I took an unintentionally productive detour.  After getting off on the wrong 4 train stop in the Bronx, I was driven further off course by a disturbingly familiar smell.  I followed my nose down 167^th street, and was led to an African Market serving hot fufu, a traditional West African dish composed of pounded, boiled yams (or unripe plantains), accompanied with spicy groundnut (or palm nut) stew.  I grew very fond of fufu during my stay in Ghana, and gluttony nostalgia compelled me to take advantage of the unexpected opportunity.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the time to enjoyably stuff my face.  And bringing the highly aromatic dish with me to an enclosed room full of prominent, political activists was out of the question.  In a state of panic, I made an impulse purchase.  I bought a 2 lb 12 x 4 fresh African yam to make my own fufu; I carried it with me to the panel, which drew minimal suspicion (among all options considered).

As I lugged the painfully heavy tuber back home, I reconsidered my ambitious idea.  What was I thinking?  I had no idea how to make fufu.  I also dreaded carrying the big baby with me up and down the 8 flights of stairs to and from the subway.

But I sucked it up.  The yam was too expensive to abandon ($8.60).  And although I knew I wouldn’t be able to make the fufu (at least until I get a personal cooking lesson from my Ghanaian buddy’s Mama), I knew that I would be able to make my favorite snack in Ghana – yam fries!

Now Jenny, I know you used to have a little (and now you have a f&#$ing lot), you always had access to the fufu.  So now, more than ever, I perceive the “rocks that you got” as an accurate representation of your privileged present and past.

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Yam vs. Sweet Potato

When I refer to yam, I am referring to the true yam, which is completely unrelated to the sweet potato.  There is a huge confusion in this country between yams and sweet potatoes, so I’ll explain the difference to you, once and for all.

Yam

The yam is the tuber of the tropical vines of genus Discorea.  There are over 600 species of yam, and over 95% of them are native to Africa.  Tubers should not be confused with storage root vegetables.  A tuber is the swollen tip of the plant stem that stores nutrients, while a storage root is the swollen, tubular root of the plant that also stores nutrients, but also serves to provide structural support, and to absorb water and inorganic nutrients.  Potatoes are also tubers, but sweet potatoes are storage roots.

The yam tuber has a brownish black skin that resembles the bark of a tree, and an off white or purplish flesh, depending on the variety.  Yams have more natural sugar (in the form of starch) than sweet potatoes, despite sweet potatoes’ sweeter taste.  In reality, the yam tastes very much like a potato (not sweet potato), but slightly drier and denser.

Yams are much larger than potatoes and sweet potatoes on average, and can grow up to 8.2 feet and 154 lbs!

When I cut one open for the first time, I was very shocked by its natural smell.  A raw yam smells like mild bleach, which smells a lot like….. well, if you don’t already know, then forget about it.  But wow, the similarity is freakishly uncanny!

Sweet Potato

The sweet potato is the root of the plant Ipomoea batatas, which is also the producer of morning glory flowers.  Sweet potatoes are native to the tropical parts of South America, but are now cultivated in all warm temperate regions with sufficient water to support their growth, including the American South.

The sweet potato root is long and tapered, and has red, purple, brown or even white skin.  Its flesh can be yellow, orange, white, or purple.  Sweet potatoes are classified into two main categories – firm or soft.  When cooked, those in the firm category remain firm, while those in the soft category become soft.  The soft varieties are often mistakenly labeled as yams in the United States.

The confusion

The firm varieties of sweet potatoes were grown in the U.S. before the soft.  So when the soft varieties were produced, they had to be differentiated from the hard varieties.  African slaves in the south had already been calling the soft sweet potatoes “yams” because their dark brown exterior resembled the yams in Africa. Thus, the soft sweet potatoes were referred to as yams to distinguish them from the firm sweet potatoes.

Next time you buy a can of “yams” to bake up with toasted marshmallows, brown sugar, and pecans, check the ingredient list. I guarantee you there will be no yams!

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Not-so-skinny dipping

I had yam fries at least once a day during my stay in Ghana.  Yam fries are actually very similar to the American potato based fries.  The differences are that they lack uniformity in shape (always hand cut), are served with a fresh tomato based sauce (more like salsa than ketchup), are fried in distinctly flavored palm oil, and have a slight natural bitterness.

My favorite yam fries throughout the entire trip were cut roughly into cubes and eaten with forks, because these particular yam fries were extra crispy (maximum surface area exposure), and evenly cooked, with the utmost potatoey yammy interior.  So I decided to cut my yam fries in this square manner.

I didn’t actually like the fresh tomato based sauce that accompanied the Yam fries, because its high water content made the fries soggy.  So I decided to make two original, creamier and fattier, complimentary dips, inspired by a couple of great sources:

Ghanian Curry Dip

The yummy curry ketchup at Pommes Frites in NYC inspired me to make this dip.  But instead of using a ketchup base, I planned to use a homemade mayonnaise and sour-cream base, and the awesome curry I brought back with me from Ghana.

Gochujang Dip

The Sriracha mayonnaise in the Fish Chaca La Vong sandwich at Xie Xie in NYC inspired me to make this dip. But instead of using spicy sweet Sriracha, I planned to use Gochujang, a savory, subtly sweet, and pungent Korean paste made with naturally fermented red peppers.

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Overcoming Mayophobia

Jeffrey Steingarten discusses his food phobias in “The Man Who Ate Everything”, which I have been reading for the past few days with complete gratification.  Consequently, I’ve been reflecting on my own food phobias, which are few in number.  But this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you considering my general lack of fear, and ghetto-refined palate.

One of my food phobias is actually relevant to today’s recipe(s): mayonnaise.  But only in obviously processed form. This is largely due to the fact that I thought Miracle Whip (blech) was mayonnaise for the majority of my life.  But with consideration to the fact that Americans eat 31% more packaged food than fresh food, according to a recent article in the NY Times, I don’t judge myself one bit for this misunderstanding.

Besides, I actually really like mayonnaise (which explains how I love the Whopper), so long as I do not see the jar or squeeze bottle (God have mercy) it came from, during consumption.  In fact, I have made chicken and tuna salad a countless number of times using a jar of Hellman’s.  Of course, it helps that these particular dishes are great chilled, which gives me an opportunity to step away and forget about how I made it before eating it.

But my new solution is simply to not cook with non homemade mayonnaise, which I believe, is not the worst habit in the world.  So we will be making a homemade mayonnaise for both of the dips we will make today!

Lady Gaga is a shameless tool (literally) for Miracle Whip (blech) in her latest video Telephone, featuring Beyonce.  But the video is still hot!  Just a little scary.  Although it’s gotten less scary each time….this could very well be my supplementary solution…

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Perfect Yam Fries

Since I couldn’t find resources that provided information on frying the perfect yam fries, I had to rely on the fact that yams and potatoes are both tubers with similar cellular structures and compositions.  So I looked at resources that provided information on frying the perfect French fries.  I’m also fairly certain that tips intended for frying potato based fries are actually more relevant to you anyway, since you might not regularly chill out at the African Market on the corner of 167^th street and Jerome Avenue in the Bronx.

The best French fries are made with high-starch potatoes with low water content (Russet), because they absorb less oil upon frying.  Minimal oil absorption is what gives the fry a light and fluffy interior, and crispy exterior.  Fortunately, yams have both a higher starch content and lower moisture content than all varieties of the potato, making them ideal for frying!

1. Soaking

Soaking the raw cut potatoes/yams in cold water for several hours before frying is one of the most important steps.  Soaking removes the excess starch on the surface of the potatoes/yams, which cause them to stick together during frying.  Removing the excess starch also allows the steam from the inside of the fry to escape for even cooking.  Finally, the starch converts to simple sugars in cold water.  Simple sugars brown more quickly than starch, which gives the fry a nice crispy exterior!

2. Oil

The best oils for deep frying have the highest smoking points.  The smoking point is the temperature at which the oil begins to smoke, which you never want to see.  Canola oil and peanut oil are great choices for frying fries, because their smoking points range from 420º- 445ºF, which are safely well above the ideal potato/yam frying temperature range (360º-375ºF).  Also, peanut and canola oils both have relatively mild flavors that will not overpower the flavor of the potatoes/yams.  I thought about using palm oil, which has an even higher smoke point (455ºF), but I couldn’t find it in my local grocery store.  So I chose peanut.

3. Temperature

The oil for deep frying potato/yam fries needs to be between 360º and 375º F.  If the temperature is below this range, the potatoes/yams will absorb too much oil; conversely, if the temperature is above this range, the outsides of the potatoes/yams will burn before the inside cooks through.  If you don’t already have a cooking thermometer, it is absolutely necessary (for good results and safety) that you get one for making fries!

4. Pre Frying

Make sure that the potatoes are well drained and patted completely dry with paper towels before frying.  Mixing water and hot oil is dangerous.

5. Post Frying

I learned a great tip from the best fried chicken fryer I personally know: crumple paper towels into loose balls for draining oil.  This creates a larger surface area for oil absorption.  Three paper towels crumpled absorb much more than 3 paper towels stacked on top of each other.  Also, make sure to salt each batch of fries immediately after they come out of the fryer.  This is when the salt will stick best to the surface!

Make sure to save the bottle your oil came in.  Deep frying uses a lot of oil, so you should definitely reuse it.  Just strain your oil through a coffee filter or cheese cloth, and then refill the original bottle.  Just make sure to label it so that the yam fry oil does not end up in your boxed brownies.

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Let’s get REAL miracle whippin’ and fryin’!

HHC’s Homemade Grapeseed Oil Mayonnaise

**if you aren’t bothered by jarred mayo, feel free to skip this step… although if you have never had homemade mayo, you NEED to give this a shot!

Ingredients

•    1 egg yolk (grade A or AA, organic certified)
•    ½ tsp salt
•    ½ tsp sugar
•    2 tsp lemon juice (freshly squeezed)
•    1 cup of grapeseed oil

Directions

1. Whisk together the egg yolk, salt, and sugar in a small bowl.

2. Squeeze the lemon juice into a large bowl.  Whisk in half of the yolk mixture.

3. With an electric blender, start whisking the mixture briskly, then start adding the oil a few drops at a time until the liquid thickens and lightens.  You are creating a beautiful emulsion!

4. Increase the oil flow to a constant, thin stream. Once half of the oil has been added, add the rest of the yolk mixture.

5. Continue whisking until all of the oil is incorporated. Leave at room temperature for 1 hour.

HHC’s Ghanaian Curry Dip

Ingredients

•    1 tbs Ghanaian curry powder (or other variety of curry powder, such as Madras)
•    ¼ cup homemade mayonnaise
•    ¼ cup sour cream
•    1/8 tsp onion powder
•    1/8 tsp garlic powder
•    1 tsp fresh lemon juice
•    Salt and freshly ground black pepper (according to taste)

Directions: Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl and whip together until well combined, using an electric hand mixer.

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HHC’s Gochujang Dip

Ingredients

•    2 tbs Gochujang (Korean fermented red pepper paste)
•    ¼ cup homemade mayonnaise
•    ¼ cup sour cream
•    1 tsp fresh lemon juice
•    Salt and freshly ground black pepper (according to taste)

Directions: Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl and whip together until well combined, using an electric hand mixer.

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HHC’s African Yammes Frites

Ingredients (serves 6-8)

•    1 ~2 lb African yam (or an equal weight of russet potatoes)
•    Canola or peanut oil (enough to be ~2-3 inches deep)
•    Salt

Directions

1. Skin the yam/potatoes and rinse them under cold running water.  If using an African Yam, wear gloves.  Raw African yams are actually mildly poisonous!

I sliced my yam into 4 cross sectional pieces (since the yam was so big), and then skinned them using a paring knife (since the skin is much thicker than potato skin).

2. Chop the rinsed yam pieces/potatoes into ~1-2 inch cubes.  Place the pieces in a large bowl and fill the bowl with cold water until all of the pieces are completely submerged.  Allow it to soak in the fridge for at least 1 hour, and up to 8 hours.

As you can see, I had a very difficult time cutting the pieces into uniform cubes.  But I like the rustic, unrefined look, anyway.

3. Drain the yams/potatoes well and pat dry thoroughly with paper towels.

4. Pour the oil ~3 inches high in a deep pot.  Clip on your cooking thermometer.  Turn on the heat to high, and readjust the amount of heat until a stable temperature is reached between 360º and 375º F.

5. Once the appropriate temperature has stabilized, fry the yams/potatoes in small batches.  To avoid splattering, place the pieces (~20) in a wire mesh sieve and slowly lower it into the oil.  Make sure not to place too many fries in one batch.  Otherwise the temperature of the oil will dip below the ideal frying temperature range, and your fries won’t be as crispy!

6.  Fry the yams/potatoes until they float to the surface of the oil (~3-5 minutes).  They should have a golden brown color.  Using the wire mesh sieve, pull out the yam/potato fries.  Gently shake off the excess oil (in the sieve) over the pot, and then transfer the fries to a plate with 3-5 crumpled paper towels for draining.  Immediately sprinkle with salt.

7.  Allow the fries to cool for 1-2 minutes.  Serve with the creamy Ghanaian curry and Gochujang dips!

Before we dig in, let me remind you – no double dipping please!

Ooooh wait a minute.  That’s not an issue with these bite-size cuts!  Very nice.  This will come in handy when I expect gross guests.

Ok let’s try ‘em.

Mmmmmmm…. so crunchy, yet so fluffy.  And the dips are so flavorful and creamy.

The left over curry dip will be great for my chicken, raisin, and walnut curry salad.  Hm… I wonder how the Gochujang dip would work into a salad?  Perhaps with chicken, cashews, and crisp asian pear chunks?  Time for some more experimentation.

Until next time…..

xoxo

HH Contessa

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Conscious Eating

I like trying familiar foods that are prepared in unfamiliar ways, because it teaches me to eat like a more civilized person.  I’m normally way too excited/impatient to think much about my food before eating it.  But an original and/or even strange preparation will make me stop to think about the ingredients, and how they work together.

A few weeks ago, my friend pickle and I had an indulgent three course lunch at Eleven Madison that started with a particularly thought-provoking amuse-bouche: foie gras macarons.

Either my pungent dirty pickle martini buzz was interfering with my ability to conceptualize any sort of delicate flavor, or I hadn’t been exposed to enough fancy-pants French food.  But I just couldn’t comprehend how the two components could be tasty together.  Was the foie gras sweetened to compliment the sweet macaron cookies?  Or were the macaron cookies made more savory to compliment the salty, fatty, duckiness?

Neither.  The foie gras was savory and the macarons were sweet, but the combination was very tasty!  The best comparison I can make to help you imagine how the cookie “worked” is how creamy, salty, butter melts into (literally and figuratively) practically any sweet treat.  Mmmmmmm….

Macaron Chacarron

I share this experience because it inspired me to do two things:

1. Make macarons!  Over the years, I had read/heard/witnessed horror stories about people’s numerous failed attempts to make them.  And I realized that the only reason I hadn’t made them was because I feared breaking my streak of baking near perfect sweet treats .  Don’t be a hater now.   I’m just being for real.

2. Create a new macaron!  As you know, I perceive eating original food as a valuable practice, but I know that actually baking/cooking a completely new food is the ultimate learning experience.  Since I needed a means to justify my potential failure, I figured it would be sneaky smart to couple this experimentation with making macarons for the first time.

Lately, I’ve been into music with unintelligible lyrics, or no lyrics at all.  El Mundo is a Panamanian duo who came out with a hit “Pseudo-Spanish” song called “Chacarron Maccaron”.  I couldn’t find the translation for chacarron maccaron, so I decided it would be a chicharron and churros flavored macaron.  Yum!  If you know the translation, I would like to know…. eventually.  But let’s wait a bit before we shatter my dreams.  Besides, it makes the song more fun to listen to:

Now you actually need to listen to and finish this completely irrelevant la la la song:

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Bi-foods “swing both ways”

I find it especially fun to experiment with “bi-foods” that “swing both ways”.  Bi-foods are foods that are inherently drawn to both sweet and savory form.  And I don’t mean an individual dish that contains both sweet and savory components, like the foie gras macarons, or maple crusted lamb chops.  I am referring to an independent food, out of the context of any dish, that is effortlessly, and equally delicious in a sweet or savory embodiment.  Some examples are pumpkin (pumpkin pie vs. pumpkin risotto), grits (cheesy grits vs. peach and honey grits), greek yogurt (tzatziki salad vs. dessert parfait), and practically all nuts and seeds (candied walnuts vs. spicy sunflower seeds).

Bi-foods do not have extreme flavors.  This is not to say that they need manipulation to be extremely tasty.  It’s just that fruits with a lot of natural sugar, for example, could not be made tastefully savory, and a meat alone could not be transformed into dessert.  The bottom line is that bi-foods have more experimental potential.  Wait, did you think I was drawing that metaphor?  No no you silly duck.

It’s really just a numbers game.  If a food can be equally good sweet or savory, you can make twice the number of delicious goodies!  This provides a lot more flexibility, which is great for dangerous experimentation.

Two of my favorite bi-foods are avocado and poppy seeds.  So I decided to use them to make my original “avocado cream macarons”, and “poppy seed macarons”.  After a cursory Google search to confirm their non-existence, I was only able to confirm my impudence and ignorance.  Macarons have been loved and even fetishized by many, and for quite some time.  Practically every imaginable macaron has been made, from candied violet, pistachio-rose, to even ketchup (ew)!  But many of you probably already knew this…

Fortunately, “my” two macaron flavor ideas were relatively less common, at least in the United States.  My search results for “avocado macaron” were mostly restaurant menus that served turkey avocado sandwiches AND macarons.  Phew.

“Poppy seed macaron” had a lot more real hits, but there were still no recipes online!  So I decided to stick with both.  Besides, avocados are in season, and the poppy seeds-citrus cream combination is very springy!

But before we bake, as per the usual….

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The Research

Macaroon vs. Macaron?

If you haven’t noticed, the two words are often used interchangeably.  This is not always correct!  Macaroon and macaron are both derived from the Italian word “maccherone”, which is derived from “ammaccare”, meaning crush or beat.  This is because both cookies use crushed nuts as a primary ingredient.  So what is the difference?

A macaroon is a broader encompassing confectionary, which culinary historians claim originated in an Italian Monastery in the 16^th century.  A macaroon is made by combining a basic meringue (whipped egg whites and sugar) with a nut paste, typically almond and coconut.

A macaron is the colorful sandwich-style confectionery, composed of two meringue based cookies with a cream or ganache based filling.  The macaron was invented by Pierre Desfontaines Ladurée, in France, at the beginning of the 20th century (well after the invention of macaroons).  Macarons also start with a basic meringue (whipped egg whites and sugar), that is combined with almond flour and confectioners’ sugar.  The cookie is characterized by a smooth, rounded top, egg-shell like crust, and ruffled edges (“feet”).

Therefore, a macaron is technically also a macaroon.  But a macaroon is not necessarily a macaron!

French vs. Italian

There are two popular methods for making macaron batter, and each produce great results with different textures.

The French method, which is the more common method, starts with a traditional French meringue, which is made by whipping egg whites and granulated sugar to stiff peaks.  The almond flour and powdered sugar are then gently folded into the meringue.  The texture of the macarons made with the French method is slightly more airy and delicate than the macrons made with the Italian method.

The Italian method starts with a traditional Italian meringue, which is made by whipping cooked sugar (sugar syrup) and egg whites to stiff peaks.  The almond flour and powdered sugar are then folded into the meringue.  The Italian method macaron cookies have a firmer shell, and as a result, give more easily to a delicate crackle.  However, according to numerous macaron experts, the Italian meringue is more stable, therefore, creating a more stable macaron cookie.  So I decided to use a base recipe that used this method.

Aging

The egg whites used to make the meringue base should be separated, and aged (uncovered) at room temperature for 24-72 hours.  Preferably 72 hours.  Why?

Egg whites (albumen) are 15% protein dissolved in water.  When egg whites are beaten, the proteins in them unfold (denature), creating films that trap air bubbles.  These proteins unfold best at room temperature, therefore, allowing more air to be trapped, or “whipped” into them.

**ignore this paragraph if you don’t like science**

Furthermore, by allowing the egg whites to rest (uncovered) for several days, unnecessary moisture can evaporate.  The protein unfolding that occurs when egg whites are beaten is dependent on very strong hydrophobic (water-hating) and hydrophilic (water-loving) interactions between the amino acids (protein building blocks) and surrounding water.  When the proteins are still folded, the water-hating amino acids are packed in the center, away from the surrounding water, while the water-loving amino acids are on the outside.  After beating, the egg proteins unfold, and the water-hating amino acids are drawn directly to the air bubbles, while the water-loving parts remain immersed in the water.  If there is too much moisture (water), the proteins will not properly unfold.  And when the proteins don’t unfold, air cannot be whipped in.  This is why it is nearly impossible to whip egg whites in high humidity.   Egg white powder can also be added to increase the proportion of egg white proteins to water.

The finished macarons should also be rested (in an air tight container in the fridge for at least 24 hours).  After the macaron cookies are baked, slight humidity is a good thing.  It improves the texture, and allows the flavors of the filling to transfer flavors to the shell cookies.

Weighing

The volume of the dry ingredients, as in all baking, can vary, depending on processing, packaging, and your personal measuring.  But when making a treat as delicate as the macaron, a small difference in actual mass (weight) can make a huge difference in the final outcome.  The volume of the egg whites also vary, depending on the size of the original eggs, and how long the egg whites have aged uncovered.   Therefore, it is absolutely necessary to measure out the macaron ingredients by weight, not volume.

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Let’s Get Bakin’

HHC’s Avocado Cream Macarons

Basic Macaron Ingredients (makes ~15-20 complete macarons)

•    100 g egg whites (weighed after resting at room temperature for 24-72 hrs)
•    2 g egg white powder
•    125 g almond flour/ground almonds
•    125 g confectioners’ sugar
•    Pinch of powdered food coloring (green)
•    150 g sugar and 50 ml water (for sugar syrup)

Avocado Cream Filling

•    1 small ripe avocado
•    2 oz of cream cheese
•    1 tsp fresh lemon juice
•    ½ tsp lemon extract
•    1 ½ cups confectioners’ sugar
•    ½ tsp cornstarch

HHC’s Poppy Seed Macarons

Poppy Seed Macaron Ingredients (makes ~15-20 complete macarons)

•    all ingredients for the basic macaron (above)
•    1 tbsp of poppy seeds
•    Pinch of powdered food coloring (yellow)

Lemon Cream-Cheese Butter Cream

•    2 oz of cream cheese (softened)
•    2 oz of butter (softened)
•    1 ½ cups of confectioners’ sugar
•    1 tsp of lemon zest
•    1 tsp of lemon extract

Directions

1. Using a biscuit cutter (~2.5 inch), draw ~30-40 even circles on parchment paper.  Flip the parchment paper over and use them to line your baking sheets.  The circles will help you pipe uniform macarons.  Preheat the oven to to 280ºF.

2. Sieve the almond flour/finely ground almonds and icing sugar.

3. Combine the egg whites with the egg white powder, and whip to soft peaks.

4. Meanwhile, in a saucepan bring the water and sugar for the syrup to 242°F on a candy thermometer.

5. Once ready, slowly add the boiling syrup to the egg whites and continue to whip on medium speed until the mixture is thick and shiny and are completely cooled (about 10 minutes).

6. At the final changes of whipping the meringue, add the food coloring powder.  At this point, I measured out the mixture into two parts to make the two different macarons.  If you are only making one kind, ignore this division!  If you are making the poppy seed macarons, add the seeds after whipping in the yellow food coloring powder.

7. Gradually add the sifted almond-sugar mixture, and gently fold.  Since I was making two different macarons, I first split the almond-sugar mixture into two equal parts.

8. Pipe macarons onto the lined baking sheets, and make sure to use the circles to guide you.  Let your macarons sit at room temperature for 30-60 minutes. Bake for 15-18 minutes (depending on size).

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9. Allow the macarons to cool at room temperature for at least 1 hour.  In the meantime, make your cream filling(s).

10. Whip all of the ingredients for the avocado cream and lemon cream-cheese butter cream in two separate bowls.  Once the macaron cookies have completely cooled, assemble the macaron sandwiches.

And the finished product:

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This past weekend was my gypsy-nurse friend’s birthday…. and she so happened to be in NYC!  So I packaged 6  of the macaron cookies in a cellophane bag and tied it with pretty ribbon.  When I realized I had a ton of delicious avocado cream left over, I also decided to make mini lemon cream-cheese cupcakes “frosted” with avocado cream, and topped with candied pistachios (caramelized in a simple syrup).

Are you annoyed that I didn’t fail?  Well, then you really are a hater.  And you’re not that smart.  You should always be nice to someone who has baked fresh treats.

Now you ain’t gettin’ none!  JK.  Of course you can.  But only if you shake me up a pickle martini in exchange.

Until next time….

hi and bye haterz!  and lovers.

xoxo

HH Contessa

Playing with Campfire marshmallows, that is.  Although we will also play with real fire too.

I received a HUGE box full of delightful marshmallows yesterday (thanks to Doumak, Inc.), so I figured I could use them somehow for April Fools’ Day.  If you haven’t already thought of a prank or two, pick up a few bags of marshmallows at the grocery store and note the following:

1. Remove your roommate’s pillows from their cases, and fill the cases with bags of marshmallows.  Place the real pillows in the freezer.

**It’s fun to stick stuff in the freezer….  and it pisses people off.  Try it.

2. Play Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” over and over (in the office) until all of your co-workers are annoyed.  Then offer them ear plugs, but give them each matching pairs of mini fruit flavored marshmallows.

3. Microwave 4-5 marshmallows in a clear glass for 15 seconds.  Allow it to cool.  Then walk towards a friend/co-worker and pretend to trip and fall.   Make sure to point the glass of milk towards him/her!

4. Offer to make dinner for your friends and/or family.  Tell them you will make seared scallops with Beluga caviar in a brown butter sauce.  Here is how you will do it:

•    Cut off the tops of 3 regular white marshmallows with a pair of kitchen scissors to give your scallops a slightly edgier edge.  “Sear” the tops and edges with a lighter, blowtorch,  or by using the flame from a gas stove (just stick the other end of your marshmallow with a metal fork or chopstick).  Remember, this trick can also apply for when you simply crave a roasted marshmallow but don’t feel like building a fire.
•    Cut 3 thin slices of kiwi.  These will be cucumber garnishes.
•    Place the marshmallows on top of each kiwi slice.  Using a black gel icing pen, dot Beluga caviar pieces on the tops of each scallop.
•    Melt and brown 2 tbsp of butter with 1 tbsp of sugar over medium heat.  Drizzle the brown butter sauce over the seared scallops and serve!

Mmmmm…. so good!  But not in the way your friends and family will expect.  Tell me how it goes….

Until next time….

xoxo

HH Contessa

**Flummadiddle is a type of baked good (details to follow in this post).  Flummadiddle also means “nonsense”.

Discomforted by “trendy” comfort food

The recent comfort food fad is often attributed to the general movement towards comfort, value, and simplicity, in response to the depressed economy.  But when food becomes “trendy”, it also becomes more expensive.  Not only does it increase overall demand, but it subjects the food to the most pretentious chefs, critics, and food snobs, thus generating a flood of frou-frou makeovers.

Comfort food is comforting because it is yummy without over-intellectualization, served and consumed in big-ass quantities, and cheap.  And this is because many comfort foods were conceived or first popularized in less than fortunate times, often by those with limited resources in less than fortunate circumstances.

Comfort food is my favorite cuisine, and I love it as is.  So I was discomforted by the idea of it becoming “trendy”.  I feared that its essence would be lost, and that its rich culture and history would be discredited.

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The Trendy Trinity(s)

Fried chicken : Britney Spears

Throughout the 18^th and 19^th centuries, slaves in the American South were forcibly limited to the “off” cuts of most meats, but could often raise their own chickens.  So on special occasion, the slaves fried their chicken using saved/re-solidified lard and flavorful spices, not only making the chicken more palatable, but also more economical (calorie dense) and longer lasting (fried chicken is “sealed”, giving it a longer shelf life without refrigeration).  The physically and psychologically nourishing treat survived the fall of slavery, and ultimately became a staple in the south.

Fried chicken is like the Britney Spears of trendy comfort food.  People have indulged in it in secret in past times because of the negative stereotypes that have been attached to it.  But in very recent times, people have come to embrace it openly because of its uncontainable, undeniable goodness.  Thankfully, fried chicken and Britney Spears are not bitter.  They welcome appreciation from even those who belittled them before they gained mainstream respect.

Big name chefs, such as Andrew Carmellini, David Chang, and Thomas Keller, have all incorporated their interpretations of the southern fried delicacy into their fine-dining menus.

Want a piece of chicken?  A piece of Britney?

Macaroni and Cheese : Beyonce

During World War II, the government implemented a national food rationing program that limited the consumption of meat and fresh dairy products.  Prior to the war (1937), Kraft auspiciously launched a boxed macaroni and processed powdered cheese dinner, called “Kraft Dinner”.  Since the product was a meatless yet filling entrée, tasty, inexpensive, and easy to prepare, it received nationwide popularity.  As a result, the concept of macaroni and cheese became a staple in the American household.

Macaroni and cheese is like the Beyoncé of trendy comfort food.  Unlike fried chicken, people have always proudly indulged in it, and although it has been a hot item for quite some time, it shows absolutely no sign of losing momentum.

To give you an idea of just how “upscale” macaroni and cheese has become, the mac and cheese at the Waverly Inn in New York City costs ~$95 (the truffles in it run at about $1,900/lb), vs. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese which costs $1.29/box!

Meatballs : Lady Gaga

Although the concept of ground meat rolled into a ball has been around for centuries, meatballs didn’t become an American food staple until after the Great Depression.  The meat grinder, patented during the Industrial Revolution, allowed the general population to make use of left-over, and/or tough cuts of meat.  During the Great Depression, Americans combined this inexpensive ground meat with even less expensive “fillers” (grains, breads) to “stretch” their meat, while making use of stale bread.

Meatballs are like the Lady Gaga of trendy comfort food.  They are the “it” of the moment, and have a knack for pulling off a vast range of looks and flavor profiles.  They are also quite ballsy.  We can only anticipate seeing more of it.

Restaurant Editor Andrew Knowlton of Bon Appétit magazine proclaimed the meatball as the dish of the year for 2010, while Perez Hilton proclaimed Lady Gaga as “bigger than Beyonce” in pop star status.  Watch out mac and cheese!  Meatballs are on the rise…

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Staying happily in vogue

I was kind of excited to be opposed to something mainstream, because I am always naturally in vogue.  But contrary to my assumptions, the comfort food trend has made comfort food more delicious, and has a great overall affect on NYC.  And I’m sure as hell’s kitchen not going to let my pride get in the way of good food.  Sigh. I guess I’m just destined to be trendy.

First of all, you can now find good fried chicken, buttermilk biscuits, grits, greens, and bread pudding in all parts of NYC.  In five-star restaurants, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, in-between restaurants…. on brunch menus, dinner menus, drunk 4 am diner menus….  And regardless of the type of restaurant, the comfort food dishes have the tendency to offer greater relative value.  But the best part?  The stiff competition is constantly improving its taste and authenticity!

Secondly, the over-intellectualization and fancification of comfort food has not taken away from its simplicity.   Most of the changes involve subtle substitutions with higher quality ingredients, and the addition of ingredients that enhance the original dish’s flavor.  The changes in taste have been small, and positive.  Excluding the excessive incorporation of truffles.  Blech.

Anyways, I believe this is because everyone agrees that the most comforting element of comfort food is its familiar taste, and  its capacity to “bring us back”.  Therefore, rather than transforming comfort food into something different, many of the finest chefs have focused on finding ways to creatively capture the dish’s original goodness.

For example, Chef Andrew Carmellini first prepares his fried chicken “sous-vide”, but only to achieve optimal juiciness upon frying.  Chef David Chang prepares his southern fried chicken with a traditional buttermilk batter with the goal of creating a “pomme soufflée-like” crispy skin, and serves it with his Korean style comforting thrice fried dark meat chicken.  Both Carmellini and Chang serve their fried chicken “family-style” to bring back a traditional Sunday dinner feel.

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Bread Pudding

Bread pudding, like many other comfort foods, originated from  “making do” with left-overs.  By softening old bread with milk, eggs, and sugar, clever cooks discovered that they could bring stale bread back to life in the form of a warm, baked, custardy confection.

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Today, sweet bread puddings are composed of cubed/sliced bread soaked in custard made with egg, milk and/or cream, sugar, and spices.  But like the trendy trinity of comfort foods, bread pudding has also turned fancy.  It is now commonly dressed with exotic liqueurs, candied citrus peels, gourmet chocolates, nuts, and sauces.  Ain’t a bad thing.

Puddings, such as plum pudding, have been associated with the holidays for hundreds of years.  And since I had been meaning to come up with my own bread pudding recipe, I figured I could use the upcoming holiday brunch as an opportunity to create and test one.  **I’m not trying to be a jerk by posting this bread heavy entry at the beginning of Passover.  Just an unfortunate coincidence.  Sorry .  I’ll make pignoli cookies for you to make up for it.

The Research

After conducting research on the components of bread pudding, I came across some useful information that will help us make our very special one:

1. Egginess comes from egg whites

The eggy flavor in eggs comes from the sulfur compounds in egg whites, and the sponginess comes from air whipped into the egg whites.  So by using only egg yolks in our custard, we can make a creamier, silkier, and tastier bread pudding!

2. Stale bread ≠ Dry bread

Although stale bread is certainly drier than fresh bread, the process of staling is independent from the loss of moisture.  Bread stales because the starch “retrogrades”, or moves back to its original crystalline state prior to baking (“retrogradation”), making the bread dense and harder to chew.  The rate at which this occurs is dependent on the temperature at which the bread is stored.  Bread stales most rapidly at 41º F, so it should never be store in the refrigerator.  Staling stops at 23° F, so freezing is a good way to suspend the aging of bread.  However, to freeze and thaw bread, it must pass 41º F twice, which is roughly equivalent to a day’s staling at room temperature.  So only freeze bread (and other starch heavy foods) if you know you won’t be using it for more than a couple of days!

Stale bread is good for making meatballs and bread pudding because it is typically also dryer than fresh bread, and can therefore absorb more moisture.  However, it is possible to have dry fresh bread that can absorb even more moisture than stale bread.  How so?  Toasting!  If you happen to have a stale loaf sitting around, by all means use that.  Otherwise, buy a fresh loaf and toast it!

3. Flummadiddle

What is flummadiddle?  According to Wikipedia.com, “Flummadiddle is a baked main course pudding consisting of stale bread, pork fat, molasses, and spices including cinnamon, allspice, and cloves.  It was a part of early American cuisine, especially of New England fisherman.”

I came across flummadiddle in one of my searches (likely something on stale bread? couldn’t find it again!).  But there is virtually no information on Flummadiddle online, aside from Wikipedia’s description.  And there are no recipes!  Since we are making bread pudding for brunch, let’s also make it flummadiddle by incorporating the necessary ingredients.  Besides, I have a great tub of leaf lard that I picked up from Dickson’s Farmstand in Chelsea Market that I’ve been meaning to use.  And I also love cloves .

**Flummadiddle also means “nonsense” and “something worthless”.  But our flummadiddle will not be flummadiddle!

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Let’s bring some stale bread back to life!

**or kill/toast some fresh bread.

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This recipe can be served for breakfast/brunch or dessert.  As a breakfast/brunch, you can skip the caramel rum sauce.  Without it, it tastes like a super moist, custardy cinnamon raisin Cinnabon!!!  YUM!

HHC’s Cinnamon Rum Raisin Flummadiddle

Ingredients (serves 4-6)

•    ½ cup raisins + 2 tsp dark rum
•    ¼ cup toasted bread crumbs + 1 tbsp granulated sugar + 1 tbsp butter, melted (breadcrumb topping)
•    ½ cup granulated sugar
•    1 loaf of fresh or stale italian or french bread (~6 oz), cut into ¾ inch cubes
•    5 large egg yolks
•    2 tsp vanilla extract
•    ½ tsp salt
•    1 cup heavy cream
•    1 cup milk
•    1 tbsp leaf lard, melted
•    1 tbsp butter, melted
•    ¼ tsp ground cinnamon
•    Pinch of ground cloves
•    Pinch of ground allspice
•    ½ cup pecans

Directions

1.  Heat the ½ cup of raisins with 2 tsp of dark rum in the microwave on high power until hot (~20-25 seconds).  Set aside.

2.  Combine the ¼ cup toasted bread crumbs, 1 tbs sugar, and 1 tbsp of melted butter.  Set aside.  This topping will add some great textural contrast.

3. Preheat the oven to 325º F.

4. Spread bread cubes in a single layer on a sheet pan and bake until the cubes are hard and lightly browned (~15 minutes).

Before and after toasting.  You can’t see the difference from the photos, but you will surely feel the difference!

5. While waiting for the bread crumbs to cool, whisk the egg yolks, ½ cup sugar, vanilla, and salt in a large bowl.

6. Whisk in the milk, cream, and melted lard until well combined.  Add the spices, rum raisin mixture and pecans.

7.  Add the cooled bread cubes, and gently fold into the custard (using a spoon or spatula).

8.  Transfer the mixture to a 13×9 baking dish, and let it sit until the bread cubes are thoroughly saturated with the custard (~30 minutes).  Raise the oven temperature to 375º F.

9.  Transfer the mixture into your baking dish of choice (I chose ceramic), and sprinkle it with your toasted bread crumb/sugar/butter mixture.

10. Bake for ~45-50 minutes, or until no liquid runs when pressing into the pudding with a spoon.

11. Cool until set (~30-45 minutes).

Rum caramel sauce

Ingredients

•    ½ cup granulated sugar
•    2 tbs molasses
•    6 tbsp heavy cream
•    2 tbsp butter
•    2 tbsp dark rum

Directions

1. Combine sugar and heavy cream in a small saucepan set over medium heat.  Whisk in molasses, and bring the mixture to a boil.

2. Add butter, and whisk until completely combined.  Remove from heat.

3. Add the rum, and cool just to warm.

This is the part when the crowd goes wild!  Bam! (1 tbsp of rum) Bam! (another tbsp of rum)

4. Drizzle the warm sauce over the flummadiddle and serve.

OMG it smells like the mall (Cinnabon), only without the smell of bourbon chicken and lo mein.  Heaven.  Let’s eat!!!!!!

We also have a little bit of rum left.  Shall we each take shots to celebrate the return of flummadiddle?!

No?  That’s flummadiddle.  I’m getting the shot glasses….

Until next time….

xoxo

HH Contessa

Animalification

Animalification is the art of identifying the animal version of a human being.  The process involves much more than finding an animal that bears a strong physical resemblance to the person.  For example, an amateur might incorrectly identify Sarah Jessica Parker as an Equus ferus caballus (horse) based on the structure of her face.  But in reality, her nimble movements, dainty style, and overall coyishness are not at all characteristic of the odd-toed ungulates (the mammalian order encompassing horses and rhinoceroses) who maintain slow grazing lifestyles.

The key to successful animalification is to first understand the essence of the person, and to then seek the animal that somehow captures that essence.  Since most of us are not exposed to the thousands of animal species in the world beyond Wikipedia.com and Discovery Channel, it is rare for us to be able to precisely animalify a person beyond the animal family, or even animal order.

*Hiearchy of Biological Classification     * remember: Katy Perry Came Over For Great Sausage

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Animalification: Foodification

The concept of animalification is analogous to the concept of “foodification”.  Foodification is the art of creating the food representation of a human being or personified object.  Although translating a human being into food form is more abstract than translating a human being into another member of the animal kingdom, foodification is overall, a far less daunting craft.  First of all, food is much more accessible than animals, therefore making it possible for us to develop a strong knowledge of the flavors, textures, smells, sounds, and appearances of a significant portion of the food kingdom.  Secondly, we are not limited to identifying a pre-existing food.  In foodification, we have the freedom to create an original food that possesses the precise essence, or “food-onality”, that we seek!

If you like to surround yourself with fascinating people and/or constantly personify interesting/cute objects like I do, you will have an endless supply of inspiration to bake/cook using my avant-garde approach.  The most challenging part of creating an original dish is to make all of the flavors, textures, etc. cohesive.  But foodification alleviates this difficulty because the inspiration is an already cohesive being!

** Urbandictionary.com claims that foodification is, “the act of providing food to stop hunger in one-self”.  This is wrong.  “The act of providing food to stop hunger in one-self” is eating.  The suffix “-fication” indicates the making of, or transformation into, the noun or state of the word ending in “-fication”.

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Foodification of Oink-Oink

Oink-Oink is a stuffed toy pig who has been an important part of my family for over 20 years.  Over this time, I have witnessed his cotton fur turn from pink to grey, his tail turn from coiled to straight, and his spherical black eyes lose their glossy sheen.  People are often distressed upon first meeting Oink-Oink, mostly because he is violently cute, but also because of the ambiguous nature of his animal species.  He has been mistaken for a baby pink bear, a baby pink elephant, a baby possum, a baby rat, a baby grey bear, and even a distant relative of Hello Kitty (which is certainly not out of the question).  But despite his equivocal, evolving appearance, he has maintained the same cute, quietly playful, tough yet tender, essence that he had the day he became a part of our family.

During my long 10 hour flight back from Ghana earlier this year, drugged with hallucinogenic anti-malarial pills, fresh with inspiration after days of deep self-reflection on the world’s most beautiful beach, the foodification of Oink-Oink came to me.  Oink-Oink would be a fluffy marshmallow pop, encapsulated in a light-pink chocolate shell.  The marshmallow would have a good bite to it (in order to relieve some of the rage felt upon looking at it), and the thin hard chocolate shell would provide protection to the tender, squishy insides, while helping to maintain the round shape.  Finally, the marshmallow would be placed on a stick to make the overall experience subtly playful and safe (marshmallow warning below).

No mallow in the marshmallow

Marshmallow as a candy dates all the way back to ancient Egypt (~2000 BC).  The Egyptians used the “mucilage” sap from the root of the “marsh mallow” plant (Althaea officinalis) to thicken a honey based confection reserved for the pharaohs and gods.

In the mid 19^th century, French candy makers produced the first modern fluffy marshmallow candy, known as “pate de Guimauve”.  A mixture of corn syrup, water, and egg whites were heated, and then whipped into the mallow root sap, which served as the binding agent.  The mixture was then poured into molds dusted with corn starch.

Making marshmallow candy was a very time-consuming process because the mallow root sap took a very long time to thicken.  Therefore, by the late 1800s, the mallow root was replaced by a congealing agent derived from the collagen inside animals’ skin and bones (aka “gelatin”).  Since then, there has been no mallow in the marshmallow . By the mid 20^th century, Alex Doumak, of Doumak, Inc. (makers of Campfire marshmallows), began experimenting with ways to speed up production.  He discovered the “extrusion” process, which pumps marshmallow mixture through long tubes, and cuts them into the chubby, cylindrical pieces that we are familiar with.  All American marshmallow manufacturers still use this extrusion method.

Although we don’t have time to venture down to the salt marshes of northern Africa to acquire fresh mallow root sap, we can whip up homemade marshmallows using an old-school method very similar to the method of the French Candy Makers!

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WARNING

The marshmallow is potentially hazardous.  Please note the below before we whip up a homemade batch:

1. Chubby bunny

Chubby bunny, a recreational game that is played by stuffing the maximum number of marshmallows into one’s mouth while still being able to state the phrase “chubby bunny”, has been the reported cause of numerous deaths from asphyxiation due to the throat being blocked with marshmallow.   Please play and eat with precaution so that marshmallows do not get banned by the government.  The world would be a very sad place without Rice Krispies Treats, s’mores, Lucky Charms, whoopie pies, rocky road ice-cream, and you .

2. The Marshmallow Experiment

The Marshmallow Experiment is a classic psychological experiment in which subjects are given a marshmallow and promised another after waiting 20 minutes.  The goal of the experiment is to draw correlations between poor/strong impulse control and other biological factors in the brain.  Just be wary that you could be a subject of the marshmallow experiment in the presence of a marshmallow, in which case, if given the ones we make today, your chances of scoring highly on the SAT and enjoying success in life will be significantly lowered.

3. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, a paranormal marshmallow possessed by the evil Sumerian ghost Gozer, was destroyed into molten marshmallow cream by crossing streams of protons shot by the Ghostbusters in New York City, circa 1984 (documentation below).  Allegedly, Gozer has since been seeking a new, cute marshmallow body to occupy.  Don’t let the Oink-Oink pop(s) we make today fall victim!

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Let’s whip it!        

Speaking of whip… and ghosts…

I was recently introduced to the practice of “Ghost Riding the Whip”, which is when a person puts a vehicle’s transmission in neutral, then exits the vehicle to dance beside it and/or on the hood and/or roof as it rolls.  “Ghost Riding the Whip” originated in the San Francisco Bay Area, and gained nationwide exposure in 2006, due in part to the song “Tell me when to go” by E-40”:

E-40 ft Keak-Tell me When to Go Video
Uploaded by TheRootsTree. – Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

FYI, a doughnut is a stunt in which the “whip” accelerates in a circular, doughnut-like shape (as shown in this video).  Turns out marshmallows aren’t the only dangerous sweet treat…

**marshmallow definition #2: a pushover who is easily persuaded to do things that they do not want to do

Now let’s put on our stunna shades/heels/aprons and get to work!

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HHC’s Homemade Marshmallows

Ingredients

• 3 packages unflavored gelatin
• 1 ½ cups granulated sugar
• 1 ¼ cup light corn syrup
• ¼ tsp salt
• 1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
• ~1 cup of confectioners’ sugar, for dusting

Directions

1. Spray/brush a 6 count half-sphere mini cake pan, and a shallow pie pan (or 8 x 8 brownie pan) with vegetable oil.  ** The half-spheres will be used to make the Oink-Oink heads, and the shallow pan will be used to make the ears and snouts.

2. Combine the gelatin and ½ cup of cold water in a large bowl.  Allow it to sit while you make the syrup.

3. Meanwhile, combine the sugar, corn syrup, salt, and ½ cup water in a small saucepan and cook over medium heat until the sugar dissolves. Raise the heat to high and cook until the syrup reaches 239° F on a candy thermometer. Remove from heat.

I didn’t have a candy thermometer, but I did have a meat one for my Thanksgiving turkeys!  The thermometer didn’t read past 220° F, but I figured 0° F calibration mark would also equal 240° F.  And I was right because the texture came out perfectly!

4. Add the sugar mixture to the bowl with the gelatin and water.  Whip with an electric hand mixer until very thick and fluffy (approximately 12 minutes).

5.  Immediately transfer the marshmallow batter into the 6 mini half-sphere cake pan.  Pour all of the remaining batter into the shallow pan.  Allow the marshmallows to cool for at least 3 hours.

6.  Thoroughly dust a flat working surface with confectioners’ sugar.  Flip over both pans onto the surface until the marshmallows slide out.  Dust the tops of the marshmallows with more confectioners’ sugar.  Allow the marshmallows sit for 1 hour.

The marshmallow half spheres actually felt a lot like the silicone adhesive bras at Victoria’s secret.  So if you ever buy a backless dress but don’t want to spend $50, note the marshmallow recipe + edible adhesive recipe below !

HHC’s Pink-Chocolate Covered Oink-Oink Marshmallow Pops

Ingredients

• Homemade Marshmallows (above)
• 8 oz of white chocolate
• Red food coloring (3-5 drops)
• Black icing/gel icing
• Tylose powder or Edible glue
• Six 6″ lollipop sticks
• Pastry brushes and toothpicks (for gluing/drawing/painting)

1. If you live in NYC or some other big metropolitan city and have access to fancy baking ingredients, make an edible adhesive by mixing  ¼ tsp of tylose powder with 2 tbsp of warm water.  If you don’t have access to tylose powder, or are feeling extra ambitious, you can make the homemade edible glue.  The glue will be used to secure the ears, snout, and stick to the face.

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2. Using a small paring knife or kitchen scissors, cut 12 rounded triangles for the ears, and 6 rounded squares for the snouts.

3. Cut a slit (~½ inch deep) parallel to the flat end of the marshmallow, and about ~½ inch from the flat end of the marshmallow.  This is the where the first ear will be inserted.  Cut a second slit in the position where the second ears will be inserted.

4. Brush a side of the rounded triangle with the edible glue, and gently insert it into a slit.  Do the same with the other slit.  Lay the half-sphere marshmallow on its flat side.

5. Brush the back of the rounded square (snout) with the edible glue, and position it towards the middle of the forming Oink-Oink face.  Repeat steps #3-5 for the 5 other half spherical marshmallow faces.

6. Brush one end of a lollipop stick with edible glue (about 2 inches).  With the marshmallow head lying on its flat side, gently stick the lollipop stick parallel to and about ½ inch from the working surface.  Allow all of the glue to dry for about 1 hour.

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7. In the meantime, microwave the white chocolate in 10 second intervals until completely melted.  Add 2-3 drops of red food coloring.  You should get a very light pink color.  With a pastry brush, paint the tops of all 6 Oink-Oink heads.  Make sure not to miss the crevices between the snout and ears!  Once completely dried (~15 minutes), pair up the Oink-Oink pops and rest them against each other, snout-to-snout.  Reheat the light pink chocolate in the microwave in 10 second intervals (if necessary), and paint the flat backs of the Oink-Oink pops.

8.  After the backs have completely dried (~15 min), use the black icing/gel to make two medium-sized dot eyes on each Oink-Oink face.  Be sure to position the eyes close to the snout.  If you would like to also make Oinkina pops (Oinkina is Oink-Oink’s twin sister who resides in Oklahoma….she comes into town coincidentally when Oink-Oink leaves town), use a toothpick to spread out the black icing to make eyelashes.

9.  Add 1-2 more drops of red food coloring to the remaining light pink chocolate to make a darker pink chocolate.  Re-heat in the microwave if necessary.

10.  With a clean pastry brush, paint the inner ears of the Oink-Oink heads with the darker pink chocolate.  Dip a toothpick in the darker pink chocolate, and dot the snout twice to make the two nostrils.  Make sure to keep the dots small, otherwise Oink-Oink will lose his ambiguous essence.  If the dots are too large, he will appear obviously piggish.

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11.  If you choose to also make Oinkina pops, please use your imagination!  Oinkina likes to wear all types of accessories, especially when she goes out to the club (shhhhh don’t tell Oink-Oink!).  Headbands, ribbons, flowers, jewelery, etc….it all looks good on her!  I dyed a little bit of white fondant purple to make flower petals, and also used pearl candies and heart sprinkles for head “garnishing”.

Allow the Oink-Oink and/or Oinkina pops to dry completely overnight.

12. Finally, if you would like to gift the Oink-Oink pops, cut off a few inches from the tops of small cellophane bags and place them over the Oink-Oink and Oinkina pops.  Tie the open ends with ribbon.

I only had enough ribbon to tie 3 Oink-Oink pops.  So I split/cut the ribbon horizontally to get twice the length!  In order to keep the ribbon from fraying, I used a cool trick my mom taught me.  Quickly run a lighter over the frayed side of the ribbon until it melts just slightly.  This trick also works to prevent/stop fraying on any loose threads (clothing, bags, curtains, etc.).  But stick to clear nail polish for the nylons!

With the left over marshmallow, I made pink-chocolate covered stars using a mini star cookie cutter.  I dropped them into my hot chocolate….  it was marvelous!

But you don’t have to be fancy.  Just don’t waste the scraps!  Make a batch of Rice Krispies Treats!

Aren’t you SO anxious to chomp into these pops?  Let’s give ‘em a try:

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!

And since the weather has been nice… shall we take the pops out with us for a walk?

Until next time…..

xoxo

HH Contessa

Filed under: Candy, Chocolate, Desserts, Foodification, Snacks ]]> http://thehighheeledcontessa.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/foodification-of-oink-oink-marshmallow-pop/feed/ 18 HH Contessa foodification-of-oink-oink sjp-and-horse-with-x jack-black-and-bull-dog-with-check taxonomic-ranks katy-perry-with-sausage Oink-Oink-Pops-013 delta-plane gelatin-with-stats Warning-sign2 Warning-sign2 chubby-bunny whisk-2 donut-and-marshmallow-cartoon Oink-Oink-Pops-020 Oink-Oink-Pops-024 Oink-Oink-Pops-027 Oink-Oink-Pops-031 Oink-Oink-Pops-059 Oink-Oink-Pops-060 Oink-Oink-Pops-067 Oink-Oink-Pops-071 Oink-Oink-Pops-073 Oink-Oink-Pops-077 Oink-Oink-Pops-080 Oink-Oink-Pops-081 tylose Oink-Oink-Pops-087 Oink-Oink-Pops-164 Oink-Oink-Pops-083 Oink-Oink-Pops-088 Oink-Oink-Pops-095 Oink-Oink-Pops-098 Oink-Oink-Pops-099 Oink-Oink-Pops-105 Oink-Oink-Pops-107 Oink-Oink-Pops-110 Oink-Oink-Pops-111 Oink-Oink-Pops-113 Oink-Oink-Pops-122 Oink-Oink-Pops-130 Oink-Oink-Pops-138 Oink-Oink-Pops-148 Oink-Oink-Pops-152 Oink-Oink-Pops-162 Oink-Oink-Pops-156 Oink-Oink-Pops-222 Oink-Oink-Pops-218 Oink-Oink-Pops-194 Oink-Oink-Pops-200 Oink-Oink-Pops-185 Oink-Oink-Pops-203 Oink-Oink-Pops-241 Oink-Oink-Pops-236 http://thehighheeledcontessa.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/pie-induced-spring-cleaning-rage/ http://thehighheeledcontessa.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/pie-induced-spring-cleaning-rage/#comments Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:00:11 +0000 HH Contessa http://thehighheeledcontessa.wordpress.com/?p=1039 ]]>

Sweet, Dream Pie

The best part of hosting a Pi Day pie party is that you get to keep all of the leftovers.  But this year, I deprived myself (and my roommates) of that privilege…..

After a cursory post-party apartment cleaning Sunday evening, I took all of the remaining slivers of sweet pie (there was no excess savory pie) and condensed them into one pie pan:

1/4 blueberry pie (winner of best crust)
1/16 chocolate fudge pie
1/16 egg custard pie
1/8 fruit custard pie (winner of best sweet pie)
1/16 key lime pie (winner of best looking pie)
1/16 lemon meringue pie
1/8 pecan pie
1/16 pineapple cream cheese pie
1/8 pumpkin pie
1/16 watermelon pie (winner of most interesting pie)

*Check out photos from the celebration under “Yummy Pix”.

It would have made the perfect sweet pie, had some mysterious party guest not selfishly spooned off the yummy meringue off of the lemon meringue remnants, and had there also been some apple, banana cream, blackberry, and strawberry rhubarb representation.  Anyways, I got up the next morning super psyched to dig into it after not having to dream about it.

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Barefoot Butterfingers

I postponed my usual AM routine.  Instead of putting on my contact lenses and high heels, I headed straight towards the fridge.  With a fork in my right hand, and the buttery bottomed, motley pie resting on my left, I used my front teeth to grip the edge of the plastic lid (to remove it).  I jerked my head upwards, but somehow flipped the entire pie out of my palm and on to the kitchen floor .

I made a lot of foolish decisions that morning, such as not resting the pie on the kitchen counter, or not putting the fork down to free my right hand.  But deciding not to put on my heels was by far the most idiotic.  Without them, I am a clumsy, hot mess.  Plus, the additional distance between the pie and floor would have granted me more time for graceful pie catching.

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HHC’s five second rule

Fortunately, I have an abnormally open mind to grossness where food is involved.  And I’m not referring to the Andrew Zimmerman type of gross.  I’m referring to my ability to enjoy delicious pie first thing in the morning type of gross.  And particularly, my ability to eat delicious food right off the floor type of gross.  My personal rule is slightly more permissive than the five second one, and can be divided into three parts:

I.    The food must be really good.
II.   There must be no visible dirt or hair on the fallen food.
III.  There must be 0% chance that a dog has pooped on the spot where the food landed.

Part I of the rule has almost never stopped me, because I usually drop food because I am so excited to eat it.  And I’m only excited to eat really good food.  Which reminds me…

I once ate fried chicken off of the floor at Walter Foods in Williamsburg.  The restaurant was very dimly lit, so I felt pretty guilty for not being fair to my rule… But let me tell you, it was SO worth it.  If you haven’t had Walter’s fried chicken, go get it now (the address is at the bottom of this post).  While you’re at it, don’t forget to try their Pimm’s cup and bread pudding.  And don’t forget to bring a friend to order the Butcher’s steak for you to mooch off.

Fallen-pie-induced spring cleaning rage

Ok, back to the story.

There were dust fuzzies all over the fallen pie.  Damn fluorescent lighting.

But really, damn me for not maintaining a clean kitchen.  There are a ton of things lying around that I have been meaning to clean, but too lazy to make time for.  I’m starting to sound really filthy.

I’m actually pretty clean.  But the things that are particularly difficult, expensive, or dangerous to clean have remained untouched.  Fortunately, the loss of such a precious pie gave me a new found rage to clean.  Since you probably didn’t drop an amazing pie and are in need of some motivation, check out the spring cleaning song from Rocko’s Modern Life for some rage induction:

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To Clean List

Here are the top three items on my spring cleaning list in order of priority:

1. Laptop

I bring my laptop to the kitchen every time I bake/cook with a recipe, because I have no ink in my printer.  I also bring my laptop with me to every café and coffee shop in Manhattan/BK with free wireless.  So there is a huge buildup of flour, cookie/cereal/cheese-it/pie crumbs, cocoa powder, and a nasty streak of butter on the left side of my screen.  This is number one on my list, because without a functioning laptop, I lose the ability to compulsively check Gmail and Facebook.

2. Cheese grater

I haven’t been able to use my cheese greater in 5 months because there are bits of extra-sharp cheddar, gruyere, nutmeg, and lemon zest stuck in the tiny little holes.  I specifically remember the last time I used it.  I was making Ina Garten’s Grown up Mac and Cheese to eat over a grown up TV series (The Wire season 1) on DVD.  And even at that time, I remember having to work around old crusty lemon zest from when I made Ina’s lemon cake…

Cleaning a cheese grater is truly a pain in the ass since you pretty much grate whatever you use to clean it.  This is second on my list, because I have been buying pre-shredded cheese, which is absolutely unacceptable.  For one, it is more expensive.  When you grate an 8 oz block of cheese, you get almost 4 cups of shredded cheese.  When you buy an 8 oz bag of pre-shredded cheese, you get about 2 cups of shredded cheese!  But the worst part is that pre-shredded cheese contains preservatives and powdered cellulose, an additive which serves to prevent the cheese from sticking together.

3. Mason Jar

My sister brought back a dry “six bean soup” mix after a visit with my parents’ in Louisiana.  It came in a cute mason jar that I would like to use for sugar storage.  But it still smells like onion and garlic powder.  Also, the sticker label on the outside is really annoying to remove.  There’s usually at least one generous corner to help start the removal process, but all four (actually, 8 if you count the directions on the back sticker) are relentless!  One of my pet peeves is partially removed paper adhesive labels on stuff.  Either leave it completely on, or take it completely off!

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After a little bit of thought and googling…

1a. Laptop screen: Vinegar + Water

LCD and plasma screen manufacturers do not recommend using any products that contain ammonia or alcohol for cleaning, which pretty much eliminated all of my cleaning sprays.  So after browsing a hodgepodge of online sources, I put together the below solution:

•    Make a 1:1 solution of water and vinegar.  The acetic acid in vinegar is relatively weak, but a great cleaner that can cut grease (butter!), dissolve mineral buildup, and inhibit mold and bacterial growth.
•    Use a 100% cotton cloth (an old sock or t-shirt).  Paper towels and facial tissue both contain wood fibers that can scrape your screen.
•    Dip the cloth lightly into the solution.  Wipe the cloth against the screen in a light, circular motion.

And boy did it work!

Before ***********************************After

1b. Laptop keyboard: Cyber Clean + Flip/Shake

The keyboard presented a much greater challenge.  In college, I just took my laptop to the CAs (computing assistants) for a good old fashioned compressed air cleaning.  But since then, I have been flipping my keyboard upside down and giving it a good shake.

I didn’t trust myself with the compressed air because I felt like I would just blow all of the crumbs deeper into the keys.  And although I was feeling a good spring cleaning rage, I wasn’t feeling ambitious enough to disassemble my keyboard.  But my solution came to me, subliminally….

I regularly fall asleep on my couch watching Good Eats and Unwrapped re-runs on the Food Network.  And if any of you watch as much Food Network as I do, you know that between 5-9am EST, there are only infomercials.  But I’m usually sleeping through them.

During my last visit to the Walgreens on 23^rd and Park Avenue, I was inexplicably drawn to the lime green “Cyber Clean” display near the check out.  The package read, “The high-tech cleaning compound for all electronic devices!  Press it on and the dirt is gone!”  I tossed it into my basket without checking the price because I was scared it would stop me.  But to my pleasant surprise, the Cyber Clean was only $1.99!!!  The same price as my 16.9 oz Diet Coke.  I ran home joyfully to Google Cyber Clean.  Turns out I have totally watched/listened to the infomercial in my sleep:

Cyber Clean does work, but not quite as effortlessly as it does on the infomercial.  I did manage to thoroughly clean my keyboard, but only after also doing a little bit of flipping/shaking.  If you have mostly dust beneath your keys (and no offensively large crumbs), I recommend using compressed air.  But if you constantly bake/cook/eat in front of your computer like me, I’d recommend the Cyber Clean + flipping/shaking combo.  Things do adhere well to the squishy patented compound, so you certainly don’t have to worry about pushing anything further under the keys. And don’t forget to turn off your computer before cleaning the keys!

Before                                                                                  After

2. Cheese Grater: Toothbrush

When I was in the 6^th grade, I got a pair of bad ass Nike Basketball sneaks from Weiner’s.  My favorite part about the shoes was the intricate design on the bottom that I could nonchalantly show off every time I crossed my legs.  But the worst part about the shoes was getting dog crap out of those same intricate crevices.  The first time it happened, I used toothpicks.  The second time it happened, I used a toothbrush (there were a ton of dogs in the neighborhood).  And that seriously changed my cleaning life.  Don’t ever throw away an old toothbrush!  Just make absolutely certain that you don’t mix that toothbrush up with the one you use to clean the bottom of your shoes.

Before                                                                                   After

I picked up a great tip during my google search… spray your cheese grater with non-stick cooking spray before grating!  It’ll make clean up much easier, with or without a toothbrush!

3a.  Mason Jar Sticker Label: Oil + Rubbing Alcohol

I was reminded by the buttery bottomed pie accident that things do not adhere well to oil!

So… I sprayed the front label with Canola Oil and let it soak for 10 minutes.  It definitely helped loosen up the bond, but required a little bit of razor blade assistance.  So I googled “remove adhesive stickers”, and came across an entire eHow video devoted to the process.

eHow recommended using rubbing alcohol for removing labels off of glass.  So this time, I first completely soaked the back label in rubbing alcohol for 10 minutes.  I then sprayed over it with Canola Oil, and waited another 10 minutes.  And it came off rather easily!

Before

After

3b.  Mason Jar Onion and Garlic Odor: Rubbing Alcohol + Water + Dish Washing Detergent

Since I already had an open bottle of rubbing alcohol, I figured I could try to use it to get rid of the onion and garlic powder odors.  I made a solution of 3 parts water to 1 part alcohol, and then added a squirt of dish washing detergent.  I closed the jar and let it sit for an hour.  It totally worked.

Wow, and we thought that baking/cooking was exhausting….

Hm… and we don’t even have something to eat!  Shall we go to Walter?

Walter Foods
253 Grand Street, Brooklyn, NY (map)
718.387.8783

Until next time,

xoxo

HH Contessa

Happy Pi Day!

Did you know that…..

The ancient Egyptians were among the first to discover the concept of Pi and Pie.

Pi is the most popular mathematical constant, and Pie is the most popular dessert (in America).

Pi has an infinite decimal representation (irrational number), and Pie has an infinite filling representation.

Albert Einstein was born on Pi Day (3.14.1879).  He spent much of his life thinking about Pi.

Pie is cuter than Pi.  *check out #1 under “the brownie you never knew”

When you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter, you get a pie in the sky!

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Pie Poll Results

Thanks to everyone who voted in the Pie Poll for Pie Day 2010!  Bulgogi won with 44% of the votes.  Bulgogi Pie it shall be!

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Pie-ifying Bulgogi

What is Bulgogi?

Bulgogi is a popular Korean barbeque dish that is made from very finely sliced, marinated rib-eye steak.  The marinade can include a number of ingredients, depending on the preference of the cook.  Soy sauce, sugar, sesame oil, scallions and garlic are the universal base ingredients, and yellow onion, sesame seeds, vinegar, mushrooms, ginger, and black pepper are common additional ingredients.  Bulgogi is traditionally grilled (but commonly pan-fried), and served with steamed white rice, or with leaf vegetables in a “ssam”.

The Paradoxical Bulgogi Pie

Bulgogi is never served with wheat based products, and it is  impossible to make the perfect, buttery, flaky pie crust without using wheat flour.  Furthermore, pie does not exist in Korea!  If you ask for it, you will be offered a pre-packaged “Choco Pie”.  And you know how I feel about store-bought pie.

Pie in the Sky

Is this Bulgogi Pie just a pie in the sky?  Or can it be made into a delicious reality?  I recently watched my first Jamaican film, “The Harder They Come”, which featured a song that mentions pies up in the sky!  This all has absolutely nothing to do with Bulgogi Pie.  But this song is uplifting, and perfect for a lovely Pi day.  So check it out:

The Solution

As a Korean-American pie lover, I knew it was my call of duty to solve this paradox.  Here was my plan:

1. Get mama’s bulgogi recipe.

2. Koreanify my favorite pie crust recipe by incorporating rice flour and toasted sesame seeds.

3. Create a creamy Bulgogi roux recipe, using rice flour and Bulgogi pan drippings.

4. Perfect all three components and combine!
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Pie Crust 101

Making the perfect pie crust is truly an art.  And since we don’t have the time to go into extensive detail (we only have until 1:59 pm), please note the following:

Tenderness

The tenderness of your crust is dependent on the protein content in your flour and the amount you handle your dough.  The less protein in the flour, and the less you handle your dough, the more tender your crust will be.  All-purpose wheat flour has the ideal protein content for a tender pie crust (~10%), and also contains the proteins (gliadin and glutenin) that form gluten.  Gluten is a substance formed/activated by moisture and handling; it is necessary to create elasticity in the dough and rigidity in the final baked product.  Although a small amount of gluten is essential to creating a workable dough, too much can easily create a tough crust.  Therefore, the dough should be handled just enough to properly incorporate the ingredients.  Rice flour has a ~6% protein content, and does not contain the proteins to form gluten.  Therefore, I incorporated toasted, crusted sesame seeds into my original Koreanified pie crust recipe to compensate for the loss of protein.

Flakiness

The flakiness of your crust is mostly dependent on how you handle your fat.  The key is to chill your fat, and to work it into the flour as quickly as possible.  The reason for this is that you want small chunks of fat dispersed throughout the dough without melting before baking.  These pieces of fat expand during baking, and are what separate the dough into layers/flakes.  The most common sources of fat are shortening, butter, and lard.  Shortening has the highest melting point, and is therefore the easiest to work with, and creates the most structurally stable end products.  However, butter and lard offer much better flavor, and if handled properly, can most certainly create structurally sound crusts.  I have yet to explore the specific differences between butter and lard pie crusts, but I plan to do this in the very near future!

Proportions

There are three main components in a pie crust: flour, fat, and moisture.  The rule of thumb is roughly three parts flour, two parts fat, and one part moisture/liquid.  The source of moisture is most commonly ice-cold water, but can also be milk, cream, sour cream, eggs, or vinegar.

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Let’s Cook AND Bake: Bulgogi Pie with a Toasted Sesame Crust

Part I: HHC’s Mama’s Bulgogi

Ingredients

• 1 lb of thinly sliced rib-eye steak (purchased at a Korean market)
• 1/3 cup of soy sauce
• ½ cup shittake mushrooms, diced into ~½ inch cubes
• 3 tbsp white sugar
• 1 tbsp sesame oil
• 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/2 of a medium yellow onion, sliced
• 2 green onions
• 2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
• Pinch of black pepper
• 1/2 tsp of ginger, finely minced

Directions

1. Cut the pre-sliced rib-eye into ~1 inch squares.

2. Combine all of the ingredients but the beef, onions, and mushrooms in a large bowl.  Once the sugar has dissolved, add the beef, onions, and mushrooms.  Using your hands, massage the marinade into the beef.  Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour (and up to 3 hours).

3. Place the marinated beef (and excess marinade) in a ~2-3 inch deep skillet.  Cook over medium high heat until lightly browned (~5 minutes).  You can also use this recipe to make traditional Bulgogi (not to be eaten in a pie).  Just follow the steps, only, don’t cut the rib-eye at the beginning, and use high heat when cooking the bulgogi (to get seared edges).

4. Remove the Bulgogi from the skillet and place in a bowl.  Save the pan drippings for the Bulgogi Roux.

Part II: Bulgogi Roux

Ingredients

• Bulgogi pan drippings
• 2 tbsp rice flour
• 2 tbsp butter

Directions

1. Heat the Bulgogi pan drippings over low heat.  Add the butter and whisk until fully melted.

2. Increase the heat to medium, and add the rice flour.  Gently whisk until the roux is thick, creamy, and bubbly (~3 min).  You can tell when the flour in the roux is fully cooked when you smell a pleasant, nutty aroma.

3. Re-add the lightly cooked Bulgogi to the skillet, and evenly coat it with the Bulgogi Roux.

Part III: Toasted Sesame Crust

Ingredients

• 2 ¼ cups of all-purpose flour
• ¼ cup rice flour
• 1 cup butter, cut into ~½ inch cubes, and then chilled in the freezer for ~10 minutes  (or 1 cup of chilled lard if you have it)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 4 tbsp of toasted, crushed sesame seeds, and additional for topping
• 1 egg, whisked (for egg wash)
• 1-4 tbsp of ice-cold water

Directions

1. Sift together the flours, salt, and sugar in a large bowl.  Mix in the toasted sesame seeds.

2. Add the chilled butter to the mixture in the large bowl.  Using your hands, quickly (but gently) work the butter into the chunks are about the size of small peas.

3. Gently knead until just incorporated.  Squeeze the dough with your hand to test if it holds to itself.  If it does not, add 1 tbs of ice water (at a time) until the dough sticks.

4. Divide the dough into two equal disks.  Wrap them each in plastic and chill for ~30 minutes.

Part IV: Putting it all together

1. Preheat the oven to 350º.

2. Lightly dust a clean work surface with rice flour.  Using a floured rolling-pin, roll out one disk of dough until ~1 foot in diameter.

3. Fold the rolled dough over the rolling-pin, and lift the rolling-pin by the handles over the pan.  Unfold the dough, and gently press it into the surface of the pan.  Make sure not to stretch the dough.

4. Add the Bulgogi filling.  Repeat step #3 for the remaining dough, and then place over the Bulgogi filled pie.

5. Press the edges of the bottom and top crust together.  Crimp the edges using your fingertips.

6. Cut slits into the top of the pie for steam to escape.

7. Brush the top crust with the egg wash, and then sprinkle with additional toasted sesame seeds.

8. Bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown.  Allow it to cool for 1 hour before serving.  Enjoy!!!

And there you have it!  Yummy Bulgogi Pie!

NOW GET ON IT!  No time to eat this time… I know you haven’t made your pie for Pi Day yet….

But please do have a deliciously pie-filled Pi Day 2010!

Until next time…

xoxo

HH Contessa

Oh, and if you live in NYC, you are more than welcome to come celebrate with us.  Just make sure to bring a homemade pie with you.  You won’t get passed the velvet rope otherwise.